STILL HIM ….
by: Bernard Santos

When all is said and done, the weather and love are the two elements about which one can never be sure of.

When I think of my past love, I view it as a failure, but come to think of it, when you find love (as they always say), you can view the past as a teacher; in the game of love, it doesn’t really matter who won or lost. What is important is you know when to hold on and when to let go!

Anyone who has gone through the agony of losing someone she loves will still wish against all odds to have that love back again. But sometimes, a love lost is a love gone forever and no amount of hope can bring back to life a relationship that just died a natural death. But then, I curse the very same love that I had once freely and happily accepted.

“It does not matter when I felt “this” love or how I learned (actually I still haven’t) to and why did I fall for “that” person. It’s just that I did love and I’m sure of that. No questions asked!”

It’s just me, it’s just him. It’s just us … and I’m confused ... was there really an "us" afterall?). Well, I think we have fought over everything – from the simplest things like celebrating monthserries (girls usually do that) to the most complicated ones such as pressured engagements to wedding plans.

I have known him for almost three years and we’ve been “together“ for 2 years and 2 months to be exact, and come to think of it, he left me thinking at approximately three minutes (through text message). People who were dear to me advised me not to get deeply, seriously be involved with this person for tons of negative reasons I know and people observed, but there is one thing I can not explain and understand. Why exactly did I fall for him? Why did I fall for such an insensitive, pathetic, self – centered and workaholic guy? Someone who wouldn’t be as interested as I am because his attention is focused on someone / something else. It annoys me when I recall how he left ... Yeah, again ... he left without even saying his reasons for leaving. But guess what, every action he does (98% of the negative side) makes me fall for him even more ... I just hate it when he treats me like thrash, as if I am of no importance to him. Gosh, is this how a first relationship should go? Is this what they call as loving someone despite and inspite of who he is? Or simply loving someone unconditionally? I cried countless times not because I was so hur, t but because inspite of what he did, I still love him and I’ll always will and even if I won’t get the very same love I’m offering in return, I’ll continue loving him. Is love really blind or I am blind?

He was oblivious of the numerous wishes I made neither because I need this nor because I want him to love me back, but because I want him to have a better life and my mind and my heart was set that one day … I’ll end up marrying my very first love…

I tend to know that we all fall and make wrong decisions but our blunders are meant not to bury us deep in misery but to teach us the valued lessons in life.

Loving someone is always a learning process, I’ve learned how to care and to sacrifice, to share and reach out, to be unselfish and to give more than I can … and as everything doesn’t end well, I’ve learned how it feels like to fall and get hurt so badly … Truly, the hardest and the most painful part of losing love is letting go and moving on …

I am trying my very best to hate and forget him after all that had happened. I am really doing everything just to kill this emotion. It has been eight long, painful months but inspite of the things he has done, I am still here. I am still waiting, hoping and praying for the right time…for “us” to be one again…

Truly, the heart has its reasons that the mind will never comprehend ….