For our anniversary issue, we feature a true story of a woman who was once a victim of domestic violence but has managed to come out of the abusive relationship after her harrowing ordeal.

Ms. Anna Viola-Goyena, 22 years old, mother of an 11-month old boy, currently studying at the International Academy of Management and Economics, presently connected with a call center in Alabang and is happily married. In her own words, she says, "I have decided to come out of the dark". - The Editor

Author Anna Goyena with 11 month old son, Javi

I WAS ONCE A BATTERED WOMAN....

by : Anna Viola-Goyena

It all started one day in December. It was the day that would change my life forever....

My friend, Corrine had set me up with a guy. I remember she told me that I shouldn't take him seriously. Because according to my friend, he was supposedly "not for keeps."

Well, as we all know, fate has its own way of doing things. So after I met Caloy that fateful day in December of 2001, I was addicted to him in more ways than one. Things were wild and fun, just like I expected them to be. I was having fun being with him. And I suppose he enjoyed my company too. We looked good together. And we were having fun together. We probably tried out everything that seemed new and novel. You name it - drugs, parties, rock and roll.

Then of course, things started to happen. I was kicked out of Ateneo because my grades were suffering from too much of the partying. For crying out loud, I couldn't even complete one whole week of school without being absent! Or if I was ever present, I would come to school high, drunk or sleepy. After I was kicked out, my parents did everything they could to get me to go to school again. They enrolled me in Benilde. I never really gave it some thought. I just knew at the back of my mind that I would screw this one up as well. I guess when you don't have the will, things will really screw themselves over.

On October of 2002, I found out I was pregnant. I was ecstatic. I was overjoyed in fact. I quit smoking. I quit drugs. I was so happy because finally, it was a chance for me and Caloy to be together forever and ever. Caloy seemed nonchalant. But he declared he was just shocked. This happiness lasted only less than 2 weeks. I started bleeding and I knew the baby was gone. I was mad at the world. And I wanted a baby right away. My parents were devastated over everything that had started to happen to me since I met Caloy. My mom was begging me to leave him. But I never gave in to her plea.

Scared that my mom would send me to Brazil (where my dad works) so that I would never see Caloy again, I left home. I left home to go and live with Caloy. I even stole money from my mom.

With money in my pocket and a determination no one could stop, Caloy and I started living together. That's when the nightmare began. Everything was a bed of roses in the beginning. But little by little, things were going wrong. I found out Caloy had such a bad temper. He got jealous easily. And even if I didn't do anything, if he got this "spell" he would suddenly lash out his anger on me. Little things ticked him off. But what got him really flared up was jealousy. Whenever his friends came over, I wasn't allowed to talk to them or stare them in the eye. Whenever we went out, I always bowed my head so that no one would talk to me. If by some chance, one of his friends would talk to me or ask me a question that I had to answer, I was always so scared of what Caloy would say when we got home. At one point, he was so paranoid that I was talking to his friend when he was gone from our apartment, or at night when he was asleep. So he literally handcuffed me to bed. And that's how I would spend the night. Besides that, Caloy was extremely physically and verbally abusive. He would bite, hit, punch, and pinch me. Anything you could possibly think of, he had already done to me. There was even one time when he had told me that I was ugly and dumb and that he was just "nagtitiis sa akin". He also told me of the countless affairs he had from the beginning of our relationship.

Our first Christmas together was spent, with him drinking with his buddies, while I was all alone in the bedroom. I was broken, but I never dared to leave him. Don't ask me why. I cannot answer this question even up to this day. I don't know why I let it get to the point where it destroyed my whole being.

Nine months after, I got to the point where I was almost crazy. Not just crazy crazy. I was literally going mad. I wanted to die. I felt so low. And I just wanted to disappear from this world. I couldn't leave Caloy. And I couldn't live with him either.

I left. After one fight where he embarrassed me in front of his family, I had to leave. Black and blue, I left him and went back to my mom's house. And like the prodigal daughter that I am, my mom welcomed me back with open arms.

I had no communication with him after that. For four whole months, I kept myself busy by going to school again, by going out with friends and by seeing a psychologist. On the outside, I was ok. But on the inside, I was still broken. There was no closure. Every time I would close my eyes, I would still remember everything. And the worst part was, I still loved Caloy.

Four months after, our paths cross again. And we started seeing each other again. A lot of eyebrows were raised. My friends were shocked in disbelief. And my parents were outraged. They told me I would never be happy. I started seeing Caloy again on the condition that he seek help and stop the substance abuse.

It was a hard and bumpy road. He almost went crazy. He was so dependent on shabu that when he gave it up, the process was too bloody for him. He started being paranoid. Thinking his house was bugged and his phone was being tapped. Then he started seeing things. He believed the devil was after him. He wanted to kill himself many times.

I stood by him during all this. We went to see a priest together. And I stood by him while he was being treated. The whole time he didn't even seem to notice I was around. He just wanted his Bible beside him. When we went out, it was to the prayer room. When we were together, we would just read the Bible. He was also being treated with medication by a psychiatrist. Two months after, he got better. And things start to look upward.

Right now, we are married and we have a 11-month-old baby boy. A lot of people are amazed at how things turned out for the both of us. Caloy has never laid a finger on me since the day we got back together. But still, the memories linger. Whenever we fight, I always retract in fear that he would hit me. It comes as a natural instinct. And this offends Caloy. I explain to him, that I'm learning to know him all over again in a different light. It is hard, but I know we can overcome this.

With the help of the Lord, we were able to go through so much. And although friends and family are skeptical of our relationship, we know that we can surpass this and eventually develop a relationship where no one is above the other, and I don't have to live in fear anymore.

Civil Annulment Procedures by Atty. Jeanie Pulido