We open a new section in our site that features letters from our readers requesting for personal advice regarding their problems. We would like to extend our helping hand for those in moments of gentle despair. Advices given are based on the personal opinions and judgement of our counselor, (who prefers to be known as) The Muse or from other volunteer counselors of this site. - The Editor

I FEAR FOR MY SISTER'S LIFE

Good Day! I would like to consult you regarding my sister's problem. She's been married for 10 years now, with 4 kids (aged 9, 7, 6 and a 9 month old baby). I'm so worried about her because her husband is into illegal drugs. My sister lives with him in the province, together with his relatives in the same compound.

In their 10 years of marriage, she had been battered so many times but has failed to leave her husband out of "love" and out of pity for her children who would grow up without a father. We would always hear her stories about how she was hit by her husband, but was very afraid to have him blottered at the police station since the policemen in their town are "afraid of the guy's family." After every fight, he would apologize and vow not to do it again. Sad to say, it happens everytime.

Yesterday, she was hit again in the head with a shoe and his fist. She reported the incident to the barangay. The incident was witnessed by her children who were also hit by the same shoe when they rushed toward her. They were about to leave him after the incident but her in-laws convinced her to stay. Further, my sister and her children were also being locked by her husband everytime he gets out of the house.

I am frightened about my sister's situation because nobody can help her there. What do you think can I do to help her? I feel that if I don't do anything now, tomorrow maybe too late. Our parents are abroad and I am the only sibling here that can look after her. I need your advise. I hope to hear from you soon.

Thank you so much and more power to femalebattle.net!

Mila

The Muse says:

Dear Mila,

Your sister's case is no doubt covered by RA 9262 or the "Anti-Violence Against Women and Their Children Act of 2004", which provides for the protection of the family and its members particularly women and children, from violence and threats to their personal safety and security.

I understand your predicament and your concern for your sister and your nephews and nieces. But let me pose this question to you : Is your sister decided to leave her husband for good? I asked the question because you mentioned her anxiousness to leave her husband out of "love" and pity for their children. Unless she is firm with her decision to live away from her abusive husband, I am afraid there is no way she can be helped.

I personally would advise you to continue communicating with her and convince her that staying with her husband is not only dangerous for her but for the kids as well. Try to explain to her the emotional and psychological consequences that the battery, being witnessed by her kids, is detrimental in more ways than one.

We so often hear women speak about "sacrificing" her personal feelings for the sake of the marriage and the children. The Church has taught us, women, to be submissive. But how can a woman submit hereself to the whims of a man who literally makes her a doormat, pushing her around (literally and figuratively). Studies show that children are better off in an environment free from any kind of abuse even if the parents are separated rather than stay together in violent situations. Domestic violence is a cycle as you have clearly mentioned that after every fight, the husband would apologize but nonetheless do it again.... and again.

Mila, your sister is a mother and like most mothers, the weakness of each is the children. Try to convince your sister the ill effects of the situation to her kids. Hopefully, she can be awakened from her slumber and realize how she is putting the safety of her children at risk.

Once realization has dawned on her, she will grab every chance and opportunity to ran away from her husband. And, that is the perfect time that she will need you by her side. You can always seek the help of the DSWD or the Women's Help Desk in hospitals and precints (see get help hotlines).

RA 9262 is considered a public crime and anyone can report the abuse being committed. However, if your sister is not convinced yet that staying with her husband poses great danger to her and the kids, your efforts might just be futile. She can always deny the abuse if she wants to stay.

For now, continue praying for her that she and her children be safe, and for enlightenment that she may realize the grave danger they are in and most importantly, for strength in mind and body for her to bear the trials her family is into right now.

Should she still be really "in love" with her husband, he needs help too. He has to submit himself to rehabilitation and reform his life. That is, if his mind hasn't been damaged enough yet by the illegal substances he takes.

Your sister should never lose hope because a new life awaits her once she is free from her abusive partner.

We will include you in our prayers. God bless you, your sister and her children.

Thank you for the opportunity to be of service to you.