FemaleBattle.net

I have had three cesareans, my physical badges for being a woman, but let me tell you that they are all totally different experiences from the other. The circumstances that were involved in each of it made an entirely unique period in my life.

The first one was six years ago, with my daughter Bea, I had premature rupture of membranes, underwent 22 hours of painful induced labor, dilated only till 4cm thus leading to cesarean. I was too tired which is why I was unconscious during the entire procedure. The second one was three years ago, with my daughter Sam. Because of my first experience, I want to be part of the birth process this time, which is why I opted to have a scheduled CS. It all paid off, I witnessed everything. Then came my third pregnancy. A scheduled CS was also on the way. I documented everything, all the ultrasound sessions that we had, belly shots, personalized a baby book for the big day, arrangements with the hospital and doctor, but things did not come out as I had envisioned it to be.

It was March 17, 2004, 9pm, I was just home, waiting for dinner when I felt my tummy hardening… (I was scheduled to have my CS on a later date). I was observing the feeling and trying to decipher if it was just the normal braxton hicks contraction experienced in the late part of pregnancy.

I live in Paranaque and the hospital was in Makati…. and it was late in the night. At around 10:30 I felt small intervals of contractions… this made me a bit nervous. I told my husband, Christian, that we should go to the hospital just to have it checked… so he packed a few things, my two daughters (Bea 6yrs and Sam 3yrs) and we went off to the hospital. As soon as the car was moving my contractions became stronger and more painful that I was groaning. I trying to hide the pain because I did not want to distract Christian from his driving, let alone alarm Bea and Sam…. But just within a few minutes the pain was something I could no longer hide. it was unbearable to the point that I was already short of screaming, I was squirming in my seat and was holding on to the car handle tightly to somehow divert the pain. In between my cries of pain I would assure them that I was okay and I was just trying to let out the pain and that I am alright, no cause for worry.

Suddenly I noticed I was losing my sense of hearing… I could no longer hear my screams, I was only hearing a muffled sound… and that everything around me was turning white. When I looked at my daughter’s face, everything was white and only a little of her face is what I could see… This was the time I panicked…. I would not succumb to the blinding light… I had to fight back… I will not allow the light to take over me… I had a feeling I was passing out… I then thought of slapping myself repeatedly so I would not black out. I saw Bea crying and could hear her asking me what was going on and what was happening… I was going into chills, but I kept on fighting…. I slapped my face continuously hoping I make it till we get to the hospital….

When we finally got there, we went straight to the Emergency room. My BP was 70/50… I was shaking all over, had no control of my feet and the contractions were very painful. As soon as my BP had stabilized they wheeled me to the delivery room where I was strapped with monitors to record the contractions and the heartbeat of my baby. That’s when I heard the slow and very faint heartbeat of my baby. It was like he too was just holding on. This was a far cry from the heartbeats that I was accustomed to hear whenever I had my ultrasounds. They'd normally be very strong and vigorous… unlike what I was hearing now.

My cervix was still closed but I had to be operated on because of fetal distress. It turned out I had placenta abruptio (a rare condition in pregnancy where part or all of the placenta separates from the uterine wall, it happens to 1 in every 150 pregnancies). My placenta was completely detached from my baby and when he came out, he was not moving… He did not have oxygen for quite some time.He did not cry when he was lifted out… but he was breathing. Apart from the detached placenta, I was already hemorrhaging inside as well.

The doctors and nurses kept on telling me to sleep… but I would not close my eyes no matter what. I was waiting for the cry of my baby… minutes went by but still there was no cry. It was 2:20am…..I waited some more… then I saw them having a commotion on one of the tables by the side…. then they all ran outside in haste. Still I waited for them to bring my baby to me, but could not hold it any longer. I asked them, "Nasaan na po ang baby ko?" My anesthesiologist kept on stroking my face and said very kindly, "It’s okay, take some rest. Tulog ka na…aantukin ka na kasi nilagyan na kita ng pampatulog..close your eyes". But I would not close my eyes… I was still listening, it has been a while since I heard them say "it’s a boy". Why did it suddenly become so quiet? They were talking among themselves and I was trying to decipher what was going on.

until I heard them say it was already finished and that I will be transferred to the recovery room. Where is my baby? Somebody came to me and said "Iha, okay ang baby mo, humihinga siya kaya lang di siya gumagalaw." I felt my world crashing! What did that mean?! What happened?! Where is my baby?! I was crying and I wanted to stand up and to go to him... wanted to see him!

I was brought to the recovery room where I was given blood transfusions because I lost so much blood…. There were a lot of needles piercing my skin all at the same time. Four bottles were hanging by my bedside, all fluids directed to me… but there was no feeling…. I felt numb inside and out…all I wanted was to know the status of my little boy!

I myself was surprised by display of strength. I did not sleep. In the middle of it my husband came to see me…it was now 5:30am. I was surprised to see him because husbands were not allowed inside. There must be something wrong. He said the baby is okay. He's in the nursery. But he in an incubator (at that time my notion of a baby being in an incubator spelled big trouble). He is strong, he assured me. He kissed me and left to check on the baby in the nursery.

I was looking around when I glanced at the hospital ID bracelet on my right wrist. Apart from my bracelet there was another tiny bracelet attached. "Baby boy of Ma. Melissa"… I was shocked… Why was it on me… I called the nurse and requested her to call the resident doctor. I wanted to know what was going on. I cannot keep on guessing. I have the right to know.

The resident doctor explained to me blow by blow what happened. My baby had to be revived and that everything is still 50/50. She said my husband saw everything and was told of the scenario and that he was very sad while he was attending my two daughters at the same time. She saw them praying outside the glass windows while looking at our baby. I could not believe what I was hearing. There was no more time to put the bracelet on our baby, he had to be brought to the nursery right away. I asked for his apgar score….2. It was really devastating. It was like a nightmare. I was crying uncontrollably, and was having chills. My entire body was shaking. I prayed hard like I never did before… This is beyond me… only God can help my little boy!

After two days, I was strong enough to go to the nursery and finally see him. And for the first time I laid my eyes on my little one, I wanted to open the incubator and hug him.. I cried upon seeing him inside…helpless…alone... So many tubes were on him. I asked permission to touch him, even just his feet, so he will feel that I am here. They allowed me. I hurriedly disinfected my hands with alcohol and then I touched him. He felt so soft and warm. I could not nurse yet, I had to wait for five days.

After four days I was discharged. I left the hospital without my baby Vin. I left with a heavy heart, it was like leaving a part of me behind. The following days and after so many tests repreatedly done on him, everything was normal…. Cranial ultrasound, eeg, cbc, kidneys. Doctors said it was a miracle that there were no damaging effects after he got separated from the placenta while in my womb, nonetheless they wanted to make sure. That is why he had stay on for ten more days in the hospital.

You could say that my footprints could make a permanent mark on the stairs of Makati Medical from the many trips I had to make to breast feed him… I start at 7am, then back at 10am, then 1pm, 4pm, 7pm, till 10pm before I call it a day. I was really tired and my incision was still painful… but nothing could stop me from seeing him. Whenl my doctor said he could be transferred to a private room so we could be together, we checked-in in a private room where I was the one who took care of him.

On a Friday, which was April 2, we finally brought home our little boy! At last we are all together… my two daughters love their brother so much and they always want to take turns in hugging and kissing him.

This experience made me value and appreciate life more. I have learned a lot from it and embrace life with a more positive outlook. God is truly good and He will never leave you in your most trying times!

I am truly blessed! God has given me another chance to be a "mama", I will not fail Him, I will and have always dedicated my life to my children, He has given me a gift of life that I will treasure, care and love for the rest of my life!

Long story huh…there is no really no shortcut… just want to share how God has touched our lives once again and I hope that we all look up to Him in all that we do…. Because He will never steer us wrong!

[This column is open to those who want to share how God touched their lives in different ways – as an individual, a parent, a sister, a friend.]