We open a new section in our site that features letters from our readers requesting for personal advice regarding their problems. We would like to extend our helping hand for those in moments of gentle despair. Advices given are based on the personal opinions and judgement of our counselor, (who prefers to be known as) The Muse or from other volunteer counselors of this site. - The Editor

MY LIFE IS IN A MESS

Good Day! I am a single mother of a 7 year old daughter. I have no idea where the father is right now. I went into another relationship out of desperation when I met a guy in 2001. We lived together. His family does not like me. Both of us have no regular jobs though. I am totally desperate that he will soon leave me too so I made sure I'll get pregnant by him. He was totally mad at me and he had our child aborted. We continued living together until we had a big quarrel in 2003. I left him thinking he will soon go after me again. He didnt. I learned he found another who is an executive of a multinational company. His family wanted this woman for him. I texted the woman, called her begging her to leave him for me. I followed him all around to make sure he doesnt see her again. They broke up. Little did I know it was only for a while. I learned that he wanted the woman to bear her a child. To make sure that doesnt happen, I got myself pregnant by him again. Without my knowledge, even in my pregnancy, they were seeing each other.

Now I that I have given birth, I thought I'd be completely happy. Sure our child carried his surname. But our child was diagnosed to have inborn diseases that she will carry all through her life. I am reaping the consequences of my actions. He doesnt really love me but has just been taking advantage of my presence in his life.

I wanted to leave the relationship but what will happen to my child. I am jobless. And I have another child to look after. Please give me your advise.

Thank you so much and more power to femalebattle.net!

Julia

The Muse says:

Dear Julia,

So often we read the lines, "you cannot give what you do not have." I see you have not loved yourself even after what has happened to you with the father of your first child. Relationship is not all about sex and having someone by your side even without love and commitment.

Going into a relationship out of desperation is a sure "suicide" on your part. Sad to say, you have now involved 2 innocent souls that would suffer the consequence of your indecision.

Having a child does not begin from having sex and and end with giving birth. That is what responsible parenthood is all about. It is procreating out of true love and planning for the child's future. But at this point, you cannot throw away your children just because your life is in a mess.

If you really love the father of your second child, set him free. Leave him and go back to your family. Start a new life and hopefully soon, in God's time, you will find the right man for you who will love you and your child.

As to your second child, since you are incapable of giving her a good future especially with the sickness she was born with, talk to the father. He might be willing to take the child for himself and just like you start anew.

Your relationship is doomed from the start. Get out of it while there is still time. Pack your bags and go. Your family will surely take you back just as the father accepted back the prodigal son. There is hope beyond all the mess you are in. Start loving yourself.

God bless.

Thank you for the opportunity to be of service to you.