FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS BY TEENS

ON LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS

How do you know when it’s love?

Love feels good and it lasts. When you’re in love, you feel happy when you’re with the other person. You feel like a better person. You feel safe. You trust your partner and the relationship. You know you can be yourself and the other person will still love you, warts and all. You are willing to open yourself up to the other person, let them know who you really are. And you care about that person’s happiness, not just your own.
You’re also willing to work through the problems that always come with a love relationship. Just like everyone else, people in love often disagree over different things. Love means being willing to compromise. And, it sometimes means putting the other person’s needs above your own.

ON SEX

How do I know if I’m ready to have sex?

Great question. It shows that you’re taking the time to think through this very important decision. Here are some questions to consider when deciding whether becoming sexually active is the best thing for you at this point in your life.

You need to be aware of the good and bad things that might happen if you have sex with someone.

The good things – pleasure, a feeling of closeness, maybe even a deepening in your relationship. These things are more likely to happen when a couple knows and understands each other, decides together that they’re ready to become more intimate and uses condoms and birth control to protect against pregnancy and disease.

The bad things – a sexually transmitted infection, an unplanned pregnancy, a broken heart. Anytime you have sex, there’s a chance of disease and pregnancy. Using birth control and wearing condoms, every single time, reduces the chances of either of these things happening.

Hearts often get broken when a couple hasn’t taken the time to get to know each other before having sex. They haven’t shared their feelings, expectations and desires for themselves and the relationship. Broken hearts happen to just about everyone, sometime during their life. But, if you jump into a sexual relationship with someone you barely know, you’re more likely to be emotionally hurt or to hurt the other person.

So, to sum up, before you’re ready to have sex, you need to be aware of the possible consequences and risks, know how to get and use birth control and condoms, talk to your partner about your feelings and concerns and then be able to cope with any negative consequences. That’s a lot to take on. Spend some time thinking about this heavy decision and make sure it’s your choice, not something that someone pressures you into.

Here are some questions to answer:

1. Do I feel ready to have a intimate sexual relationship with another person?
2. What are my values/beliefs about sex? Relationships?
3. What would my parents or family think about me being in a sexual relationship? Would they approve? Disapprove?
4. What does my religion say about having a sexual relationship?
5. What would I do if I started a pregnancy or became pregnant?
6. What type of birth control would we use? Where could we get it? Do I need to go to a family planning clinic?
7. How about sexually transmitted infections? How would we protect ourselves?
8. Would having sex change the relationship at all? Make it more intense or change how I feel?
9. Am I feeling pressured by anyone to have sex? My partner? Friends? The idea that all teens are having sex? (Even though they’re not!)
10. Can I talk honestly about sex with my partner? Have we talked about our sexual histories with each other yet?