FemaleBattle.net

This section features letters from our readers requesting for personal advice regarding their problems. We would like to extend our helping hand for those in moments of gentle despair. Advices given are based on the personal opinions and judgment of our counselor, (who prefers to be known as) The Muse or from other volunteer counselors of this site. - The Editor

I had been with my boyfriend at the time for about 15 months. Things weren't working out as planned, so we decided to take a break. This break lasted about 5 months and during the break i left the country and went on holiday. While i was enjoying my vacation in the tropics and Europe, he went ahead and started a relationship without me knowing.

The relationship he had with this other girl lasted 3-4 months while i was away. The odd part about it was that he would still call me long distance to let me know that he loves me, cares about me and cant wait for me to get back because he was "ready to make things work out between us" even though he was with her.
So i got back and knew nothing about this girl until she emailed me one day. Since the first email, we started talking on the phone- I found out that he was saying the same things to her as he was saying to me. As in, telling the both of us that he wanted to be with one, not the other.

Anyway, knowing about this other girl, i decided to go to his dads house to spend the weekend with him before we started another semester in college- just so we could be alone and see if we could work things out. Well turns out, he dumped her yesterday and claims that he just wants to be with me. He explained that his 'plan' the whole time was to wait till i got back, leave her and then exclusively continue the great relationship we had before things got rough. However, it took him over 2 weeks to, pretty much, gain the courage to tell her he was leaving her for me.

I feel the sincerity in his voice when he tells me that he loves me and wants to be with me, but how can i know that it is true? words are just words- if there was just something he could do to actually prove to me that he just wants to be with me again from now on.

How am i supposed to trust him and feel confident he's not scoping out other girls while he goes out without me? How can i tell if he means everything he says?

I took him back and everything is surprisingly going well- we seem to be communicating better and opening up more, but how will i know this will not repeat itself? Did i make a bad decision? how blind is love?!

I forgave him as we weren't even technically together over the summer and i had also been with someone else but I do bring up the past a lot. it pains me to know about the things he has done. i need to know if his love for me is as pure as my love for him. but...How?

i'm sure you are seeking counseling because you want to know the right course to take, and not to hear what you only want to hear. You may hear things that you might not like, but still the decision is yours.

Ii know how it feels to be in love head over heels with a man. You didn't say how young you are, I presume you are in your late teens or early early 20's. Your boyfriend might love you as he tells you, but not enough to be committed to you. The uneasy feeling you are having right now is partly caused by that thing at the pit of your stomach that usually makes like an alarm bell when something's just not right. Love is beside the point. The mere fact that your guy is unable to restrain himself from seeking solace in another woman's arms while you were away (and your 'taking a break' is beside the point here, too) clearly shows how gut-wrenchingly weak and inconsiderate he is (you're lucky it wasn't you he played on the rebound!). Fidelity, as per a relationship between a man and a woman is concerned, is one's ability to SUSTAIN a loyalty freely pledged to another. A person who makes light of the very essence of faithfulness and loyalty in favor of his "manly needs" should be avoided like the plague. You may be deliriously happy with him now, but once his "manly needs' act up again (especially in your absence, whether you are having another one of your "break" or not), the ecstasy will end, believe me."

I think you are young, you can still find a man worthy of the pure love you can offer. For now, focus on your studies and developing yourself more.Life is beautiful if we play our cards right. Waiting for the "someone" meant for you is worth the wait. Love should give you fun and laughter, not ulcers. So better do some thinking on your situation.

Now, the final decision is yours.